For some people its worth it to be happy, but its not easy. Just reading ur rant against 50/50 custody for anyone states why urs would never work because of you yourself. I wouldnt trade them for anything. My ex wife had no job and I had a restraining order against her for domestic voilence. He makes alot of money and doesnt need CS IS an argument in the courts right now; in fact its how CS is determined. But goes to Vegas and Cancun all the time.. and when he takes the kid , he makes him babysit so he and his new wife can go and get drunk on a bar and party. You rock! All politicians out there need to read this. If a man is not working he can be daycare and daycare is added on top of child support too, at least here. Plenty of women just enjoy complaining and man bashing when they arent a perfect parent either. I know he is avoiding being served, as that is very apparent. My older cousin put himself on child support because his babys mother was upset that he wanted nothing to do with her but everything to do with their son so she started threatening him that he wouldnt be allowed to see him anymore. In 2013, $32 billion of child support was collected and that number has been steadily rising over the years. Where do you get 25%, because I have 54% of my paycheck taken and that is for one kid. Hire a lawyer. I was happy to help her with what ever she needed but shes gone through legal actions that now I dont know what or where to turn as I cant wait 3 years to see my daughter. During the trial for the charge my lawyer made a deal that I give up my right to access my kids at her residence to get out of the charge. Imagine having to come home from work to cook dinner, clean, help with homework (and those science projects take some effort) and spend a little quality time with the kids before heading to bed, then waking up to do it all over again the next day!!! To add further insult to injury. I would tell the court no and that the kid/s need to spend equal time with each parent. I used to pay CHILD SUPPORT from the judge in NEW HAMPSHIRE in 2001-2005; Then I have a massive stroke, paralyzed from my right side, aphasia. really i got a job b(#!h. Women are good for wanting more than equal rights for themselves, but dont want men to be treated equal if women are expected to pay support. Being the monetary and human being support system for said child. India even recognizes adultery by unmarried man who sleeps with a married woman. For me, thats with the 20k but at the end of the day, what that system puts well intended fathers through is brutal and I sometimes wonder if the system is part of the reason some people just lose it and do crazy things. I am so thankful for our ability to not use our child as a weapon or greed. And to not disrespect him. NO detailed study has determined why the courts are making these such biased determinations, but its clearly cant have much to do with fathers vs mother characteristics, nor an objective assessment of whats best for the children, because there is virtually no strong evidence supporting female parenting over shared parenting. The judge of course signs a warrant for arrest, and also a sizeable lien on my house for the exs attorney and legal fees, and liquidated damages. However, they would not retro the payments and elimate the arrears so he still owes almost 20k in arrears which, is ridiculous. Not to mention I was trying to build s case about her living conditions because they were terrible the house was filthy and my childs room smelled like urine and the mattress was urine filled I had to go buy a cover for it at her house. That was seven years ago. Helping out financially with anything she needed. The matching dollars was supposed to help States pay for tracking down dead beat dads, but now every dad that gets a divorce is a dead beat. If you are wondering well does the system take from that and give it back to his child, the answer is no. The great news is that you are already aware of the problem being 50/50 custody and split households. Many fathers sincerely want to do right by their children, but simply dont have the means to do so. But it costed me a lot of money to get proof and to go to court those 5 times, and in the end Im still paying. Between my wife and I and there grandparents, we buy all there clothes,its also the only time when there not eating frozen fish sticks etc etc. Stand up for yourself and youll be standing up for future generations. She was the deadbeat but the courts awarded HER!!. Because hes a guy he needs to be treated badly?!? How come they dont make married families and singles on welfare, pay it back????? Lets do something people !!! Got my life and 2 of the kids in danger because of his stupidity. Shut off the spigot to the states and the states are less motivated to enforce child support. MUCH simpler system to deal with than the politics of the North. Actually we dont know cause its VERY VERY VERY RARE A WOMAN GET PUT ON THAT SHIT SO DONT EVEN TRY TO COMPARE THEM MA. Now take half your paycheck and give it to the next person you see. the non sense of putting one parent into poverty is ridiculous and its not just. Or is it just to boost our industrial prison system? its four times more deadly for a man then. No parent would want to see their child hurt. Reform Family Law and Family Courts No idea what mom was using all the money for. 4) Think about getting a vasectomy. Childrrn that grow up with constant dipport but no contact, develop issues in most situations. File file for an adjustment. The ex refused to settle after recieving the court finding of fact, and the financial discovery revealing that the ex spent my childs college fund to make a down payment on a house for our child. Our government has failed us. It wont work. The father wasnt interested in parenting so I was able to avoid the drama. The system is almost similar to yours and has been working for over eight years. And guess what lets say she gets $300 in welfare, and your order is $200 or $100, you dont have to pay $300-the state eats the debt and tax payers support the rest of your childs needs. If the support order is for $1000/month that equals $100 for the state. On and For the record, 42 USC was never passed into POSITIVE LAW! As soon as the state locates his employer, he skips to another job. For example if my rent is $300 dollars and my child support is $500 just between rent and child support by itself that is 9600. The system is not kind towards men. In every state. That becomes a very slippery slope for a lot of dads. She wouldnt even let me come see my daughter. Divorce game plan for women. He really needs to get with someone that does him the same way so he will no how it feels to be controlled. The look on the faces of the two women who accused me of being the father of their children after I revealed this was priceless. Friends, I just joined CAPRA as one of the lead plaintiffs in an upcoming landmark federal class action lawsuit against all 50 States and the Federal Government, because I qualify as: (1) a biological parent whose child custody was unconstitutionally removed without due process; and, (2) I have been directly impacted by that during the last four years, i.e., within the statute of limitations. She faces no consequences. But I never stop paying her child support because I wouldve had to put my kids on the stand. Government has been given too too much power. The truth is, its just another out of control government institution justifying its own existence on the of backs of minorities. Common excuses for avoiding support payments include inability to pay, lack of accountability for the money, unwillingness to have the child in the first place, to protest visitation agreements, or a personal conviction that the amount of the award is unfair. Child Support was never designed to be about the child. She should have been denied alimony or anything for that matter. I had to spend 30 K on attorney to get 50-50 Custody. While it depends on the judge and the circumstances, a child support payment is usually not reduced if a father quits a full-time job and returns to school. The children should solely be with mom for consistency and stability. I read many comments at random and most were from a dads perspective. I dont understand why we should be financially responsible for her at our house and when shes at her mothers. They view child support as "extortion" instead of taking care of their responsibilities to their children. Jade, why do so many women want to be custodial parent if its such a burden? I felt with all that and than some. Edins study goes hand-in-hand with other recent research that suggests economic support, although necessary, is hardly enough to qualify one as a good parent. I would certainly make that trade. I am planning to meet with a lawyer in a week or so. Its a sad situation that there is no way they can grasp as 8 and 5 year olds, they arent adults able to understand it all yet. Why is she entitled to it? My X uses me as a cash machine. Which is fine but, they dont require the woman or custodial parent to work nor if she does work dont make her show her pay stubs. The states get a % of the dollars processed (for talking purposes lets say 10%). It is what it is. In 1986, CBS produced a report titled The Vanishing Family: Crisis in Black America, which featured a New Jersey father of six who bragged on camera about not supporting his children financially. But because her mother is a low life Im charge 1375 a month cant even afford my expenses and will get in trouble with the state. Well thats not fair. But 800.00 a month and 1200.00 on a 3 paycheck month, come on thats crazy. I have always stood behind the fact that the state is prejudice against dads and is one of the main causes for deadbeat dads. I contacted him through his email and he assured me that in two days time my boyfriend is going to leave the other girl and come back to me and it was a very great surprise to see my boyfriend coming back to me after two days. The body politic is responsible for most of the frustration but limits the information to its own benefit. What do I say? I hired an attorney who I thought was after my best interest for my divorce. So if they are at grams perhaps she is helping him. He hasnt filed an income tax since 1997. Please email me at robert.a.green45@gmail so we can get this law suit in motion, When you look at it. You saved our marriage! I continue to email my legislators asking them to make child support a shared responsibility instead of requiring the non-custodial parent to provide a government mandated lifestyle for the children (and by inference, the custodial parent) but the legislators are terrified of being seen as soft on deadbeat parents. Even if the man possesses ALL the means of support for the children, more often than not the children are awarded to the mothers. The only one that spends weekends with me is my youngest. these facts are not my own just do your own research if you dare. Your email address will not be published. If it is 50/50 or split depending on your state law and her income you MIGHT havre to help her otherwise. Any time my ex and I have a disagreement, she makes it out really big to the kids and has convinced them that Im a bad person. Children dont have to live with you!!! Is that wrong? He has not held a job in almost 3 years and will NOT get one, despite having a college degree and a pretty solid work history. Advertiser Disclosure. I too live in Illinois, and Ive had custody of my son and daughter since 2004. Ill tell you! His family avoids me as well because I honestly think they are embarrassed. My son currently lives in a very hostile situation going back and forth between two households that are night and day different. Phyllis MacCutcheon licensed in CT and NM only. Imagine a scenario where parents have 50/50 custody, earn equal amounts, therefore being capable of offering the child the same lifestyle at each home. System is outdated and unfair. I have to pay child support in the amount of money I would have spent on them while not in my custody. Maybe one day deadbeat moms will receive equal treatment, but it wont be anytime soon. Elon Musk has said that doctors or parents . Have a child with new husband. You are a citizen with rights. Someone in charge needs to change the system. Here's how you can give Black fathers a better chance in court. When I came back, she had full custody and stolen a substantial amount of money from my account. Even more so for those of us who would gladly assume the role of the custodial parent with no expectation of monetary support. From reading your comments it sounds like you are having a problem separating your feelings about your ex from your feelings about him as a father. Parents may pay support through the OAG by different methods, including online and through a wage withholding. Just cause I make more I have to pay 70% of summer camp, after school care, and now she wants tutoring cause our child supposedly has adhd. Hes only paid child support 7 times. Thats when my nightmare began.Ive received 30 days incarceration, had to pay child support plus 100% of all their financial needs. It was not my choice to vilified So if that card is being used at Victoria Secrets or Louis Vuitton or any other place that doesnt sound like a place for children, thats a 500 penalty on whichever parent. 2. Things dont always go the way we want them to. I managed to grow up and become successful and am now paying 6 more years of very punitive CA child support to a woman in PA who stole a sperm from me basically when I was young and stupid socially (despite book smarts) now I have a pretty daughter Ive never seen on the other side of the country. Divorce is not a gameplan for women. Just saying. The one whom owes Child Support pays Child Support with After-Tax Money. I have even seen thia to be true with foster kids. Was known previously as AFDC. I had my son when i was 21 years old. I have been paying child support for 18 years, i received papers showing case closed and even got a refund check back for overpaying, this is North carolina that i am talking about, so 2 weeks ago i got a letter stating that my child support was reopened and now i am 2 months in arrears and now put in for garnishment. I just dont get it.. When you find yourself in the judicial system, especially men of color, you are experiencing discrimination and institutional racism. He cant afford a lawyer, and I am on disability for MS, so my kids and us strive to make it on the basics, while she is on the ball if we are 2 days late on a payment, and we end up losing food stamps or they threaten to take his license. The mother of the child filed for child support with false information and with no time sharing agreement in place, my bf got screwed. 5. Children are merely a piece of furniture to be split and distributed. One point that no one has raised thus far is the universal right to parent a child. I have 1.5 masters degrees in nursing now. They wouldnt modify when I was on unemployment for two years!! There is mounting evidence that the absence of dads is major cause of boys behavioral and academic problems, and even of girls self esteem, relationship and male imaging and interaction skills. The ex refuses to certify for bankruptcy court that my CS is current. I wish my support was 219 every 2 weeks! But, the outcome does depend on the circumstances, such as: Their income. I now have to pay the same amount for 1 child as I was paying for two just 5 months ago. Not true for MO. Our daughter spends approximately 75% of her time with me, but I dont expect him to pay me to feed her or house her. Believe me, I understand that women got screwed back in the days. Best way I can describe him is he is/was a non-participating parent. The system is ridiculous. He had the other 7 women on the show, but me. My retirement is 75k. Thank you!!! In a perfect world both parents could share custody and fulfill our rights as a good role model and loving parent but this isnt a perfect world. I definitely agree but by that same token there are parents who are expected to pay over $1000/month to a parent who doesnt even make that to support a child. Products like vasalgel and the male pill are always kept five years away with no reason given. The fact of the matter is that, SOME, women now how to play the system and only want child support to ruin the guy. Dont pay child support, well take away your license. I left my relationship asking time ago withtwo little ones. Nobody is entitled to the fruits of someone elses labor, Legally. She can abort the child, without his consent. Your situation is in the minority overall. Somehow once they are put behind bars the money comes up. Hes case is real to him just as your case is just as real to you. I pay what I can when I can but I wont be able to work at all if this happens and my girlfriend cant afford to support us both and shouldnt have to if the courts would follow the law and calculate the arrears and payments based on my actual adjusted gross income. It sounds like the father could jump through hoops backwards to be there for the children and that still wouldnt be good enough for you. This is called kidnapping, and it often goes by another name: courtnapping. Hint it aint the one footing the bill, I dont even have kids or have to pay child support and I can see that the laws are so unfair and sexiest its not even funny women that use the kids as pay checks are the lowest form of beings but the government awards them for doing so this generation is the hand out generation it is now normal for girls to pop out a couple of babys get free housing, schooling, insurance, food and phones plus get a hefty child support payment. 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